The Place With Picture[s], Vol. 2

This is how I prefer to remember the sonovabitch.

That is all for today.

The Place With Pictures, Vol. 1

As per request by a friend, I uploaded some pics for your entertainment. This is one of me when I was still cute.
Dylan's 4th grade photo
Squeak the Musician Kitty, looking murderous.
A pic of a girl being strangled by a monkey puppet, courtesy of
Disturbing Auctions

Tara's 7th grade photo.

MIA

Sorry for the lack of posts, I've just been away for a while. I'll post something soon!

Hugs and Humps kisses,
Jules

I'm next to Uranus.

Who knew?

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

Funny Songs About Death.

I'm convinced the world doesn't sing enough about death and why it can be--for lack of a more befitting word--funny. However, thanks to geniuses Martyn Jaques, Edward Gorey et al., we have a deliciously morbid piece of digital bliss called The Gorey End. There is no way one can listen to this album and not be simultaneously sickened and collapsing on the floor in laughter! Take, for instance, the song "Besotted Mother." It's too fucking funny. Lyrics follow...

"Besotted Mother"

Her husband left Goola Flibbage before the baby was weaned,
To support herself and Florabelle as a charwoman she cleaned.
She felt there had never been such a beautiful child, her friends they did concur,
She wondered how beautiful she would look in a costume of white bunny fur.
She bought a tam, some mittens, a coat with a little cape,
A necklet, booties, and to complete the ensemble a muff of a funny shape.
The first coolish day of autumn she dressed Florabelle up in them all,
She left her outside a greengrocer on the greengrocer when she did call.
A pack of wild dogs came round the corner, the butcher's their intention,
They ripped Florabelle to pieces in a second.

You have to realize that the entire song is accompanied merrily by piano, strings and accordion, and sung in an endearing, earsplitting falsetto by Martyn Jaques. Nothing mournful or dirge-like about it! Quite charming, actually. You can even hear the hungry dogs yipping and snarling (that the part Dylan likes the best!)

Anyhoo...

Happy Easter, everyone. This is probably the last blog I write until Tuesday, as we are going to NY for the holiday. Be safe, and remember what Easter is all about. Ain't it great? :)

Us, 2000

I am using this picture in my speech two weeks from now, as an "After" photo. The "Before" photo includes Jim, which is just too big to scan. The point I will be illustrating is disaster can happen at any age, and that's why it is in everyone's best interest to have a will, no matter how young you are. I'm 29, Tara is 7 and Dyl is 5 (in this photo)

Quote of the day:
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. --Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet.

Rachael Ray = Old (Made From) Scratch

I can't stand her...so this totally cracked me up!
Blogcritics.org: Rachael Ray and the End of Days

Rachael Ray and the End of Days

April 07, 2006--Rachael Ray has grown from cooking show host to full-blown media icon. She now has 4 shows on the Food Network (30 Minute Meals, $40 a Day, Inside Dish, Tasty Travels), over 10 cookbooks, a new magazine, and plans for her own daytime talk show via the unlimited powers of Oprah. Now this is not the first time someone has grown to have such sway over the masses. After all, if the aforementioned Oprah mentions how soothing a certain bath tissue is when she has chafe-ass, that brand would be sold-out across America the next day. In the case of Ray however, there is evidence that something much more devious is unfolding. That's right; I am talking about the Apocalypse. Beyond the perky persona and frantic body language, the signs are all there.

Exhibit A: RR mentions extra-virgin olive oil gratuitously on her show, but always refers to it as E.V.O.O. Now you might say "So what, stupid!? What's wrong with saving time with shortcuts?" Well first of all, there is no reason to be rude, and second, I have discovered that E.V.O.O. is actually a reference to EVOO, the five-headed beast of the apocalypse. With every utterance, she is actually invoking a ritual to summon the creature into our world. I present this ancient druidic cave drawing as proof.(Ah, those druids. Even in ancient times, man was capable of such stunning depiction.) RR is also known to chant certain other phrases such as "Yum-O!" and "That's Delish!" She also uses extreme hand gestures when she talks. Are these phrases more demonic spells? Are these hand movements somehow part of the ultimate ritual to dominate our minds? No, in this case she is just annoying. One theory is that she consumed the soul of Barney and absorbed his powers.

Exhibit B: Even fans of hers admit that when they attempt to replicate her "30 minute meals," it ends up taking much longer to complete, up to 2 hours. This can be explained by the fact that Rachael Ray films all of her shows from her 7th lair of hell. As we all know, time moves much slower in hell so as to properly torture the damned. This provides Ray the ability to accomplish a lot more in what translates to only a half hour of our earthly time. It also saves money since one doesn't need to pay a gas bill when your cook top is powered by anguish pumped directly from the River of Souls.

Exhibit C: RR's full name is Rachael Domenica Ray which I have discovered to be an anagram for her true being. First of all we can extract the word "Demon" which leaves us with RachaelicaRay. This can only be rearranged into one word that holds any meaning: Chyarlaaaaeic, a dark and powerful name that could be pronounced only by the wicked tongues of devils and their worshipers. So the Demon, Chyarlaaaaeic, shall be the final form of our destructor. I remember the form she took the last time she attempted to unmake the world and honestly I don't think she put a lot of work into disguising herself.
Now you might say "How dare you imply that Rachael Ray is fat! Just because she looks like she is made out of hotdog meat is no reason to pick on her! Asshole!" In response I must say, people have been calling God old for millennia and yet you are going to get on my case for calling the devil fat? And also, that is the 2nd time you have been rude to me. If you do it again I am kicking you out of my head.

Exhibit Crotch:
What concerns me the most is how she is becoming less and less concerned with hiding her true motives. For example, after the success of her book 365: No Repeats, she released a follow-up titled 666 Ways to Flay the Human Soul. She has also started to suggest using goat's blood as a substitute for chicken stock and has started vomiting up dog corpses and leaving them as tips on $40 a Day. And, if you want photographic evidence, here she is gleefully burning some clocks, a clear message that "our time is running out. "If none of my evidence has convinced you that we shall face the end at the chubby hands of Chyarlaaaaeic, then get it straight from the demon's mouth as I interview Rachael Ray:

Exhibit Poop: The Interview
Me: Thanks for taking the time to talk with me, Rachael.
Rachael Ray: Thanks for having me. *giggle*
Me: Now let's get right down to it. Are you the antichrist?
RR: I SHALL DRINK YOUR BRAINS AND CRUSH YOUR SKULL UNDER MY MIGHTY CLOVEN HOOF!
Me: So, that's a yes?
RR: YOUR SOUL WILL BE VANQUISHED TO THE ETERNAL GARBAGE BOWL!
Me: A yes or no will do.
RR: YOUR TRAVELS THROUGH THE SEVEN CIRCLES OF HELLFIRE WILL NOT BE TASTY ONES! I PROMISE YOU THAT!
Me: I really just--
RR: IN THE TIME IT TAKES YOU TO LOSE ALL BLADDER AND BOWEL CONTROL I WILL HAVE MADE A DELICIOUS MEAL OUT OF YOUR WILL TO LIVE!
Me: Ok, that's all the time we have.

Conclusion: Now, you may decide that I just made this entire thing up. You may ask, "Why should I believe any of this?" Well let me answer your question with a question...and a statement....and then an exclamation. Look closely at this face and tell me: Where have you seen that smile before? I dare you to tell me that's not the face of evil. The time of Chyarlaaaaeic is upon us!

Sturm und Drang

Like the photo? My brother took that. It's one of my favorites because everytime I see it, I always think of Marnie: "No, I do not know anyone named Frank Abernathy. I have never known anyone named Frank Abernathy." My brother does his best work in black and white. You can read about him here.

So I'm going to be alone for Easter vacation. Tara and my folks are going to San Antonio to see Rob, Myung and Evan. Dylan and I are stuck here....sooooo, we are going up to New York again to see Ang and Bailey.

Decided that my persuasive speech topic will be the importance of having a will, since I can speak from personal experience. The majority of my classroom are young marrieds, and I can guarantee you not one couple has a will, because they thought exactly like Jim and I did--when you're young, you're invincible. This speech has to include a PowerPoint presentation. I'm really looking forward to this one.

Since trying to withdraw from Effexor XR--my shrink put me on just plain Effexor, 25 mg., and believe it or not, I am faring better on this than on the extended release!! I'm still having trouble sleeping, but I am afraid--and so is my shrink--or prescribing anything stronger than a high-octane form of melatonin because of cross-addiction. However, now that spring is here and I can get out there and work the earth, I'll go to bed exhausted at night and the problem will resolve itself.

There was a beautiful ring around the waxing moon last night. I know that means it's harbinger of storm, but it was so eerily beautiful.

In my brother's room

there were a million albums, and that is where the basis

of my musical preference was cemented. I had, from birth, been immersed in mostly classical and lite pop like the Carpenters, the 5th Dimension, Ferrante and Teicher--and the like. Now Rob, even though he didn't like me very much, did help to educate me on some of the finer genres, like KISS!!!!!!! I loved KISS. I recently came across one of those do-it-yourself books, and chronicled according to my 5 y.o. self, my two favorite songs--this is 1976--were "Beth" and Rock n Roll All Nite."

Yes, Rob and even Sue introduced me to the greatest all-time bands like Kansas, Rush, Devo, Bread (sappy), Boston. When my brother was in high school, he was friends with a boy names Ross Harvey, and I had the biggest crush on him. He, of course, didn't notice me at all, but loaned Rob some great albums: Thomas Dolby, Men Without Hats, and...... durm roll paleeze

........Taco. To this very day, there are certain songs I hear that yank me back to the early 80s, and the fantasies of Ross Harvey. Hard to believe the asshats I had crushes on.
I wish I had a digital camera so I can take a picture of my beautiful cherry tree in bloom. "If I had a million dollars, I'd build a treefort in the yard...."

Lyric of the Day:
"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a mon-KEY?!" ~Barenaked Ladies, "If I had $1,000,000"

Do you have any...

...Grey Poupon? LOLOL

I am 9% White Trash.

I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box.

Take the
White Trash Test
@ FualiDotCom

My Favorite Toy (see picture)

They were the Days of Vomit. He vomited in the morning. He vomited in the evening, all over this house. It's the vomit of justice, it's the puke of warning, it's the barf of love between the brothers, sisters, pets friends and neighbors, all over this land.

Luckily, at about 3 pm yesterday, somewhere in his brain the puke control center got switched off and he was up and raring, with a voracious appetite and raging thirst.

Once again, my über-intelligent daughter received straight A's on her report card. God, it's great to have a kid that smart. I wish I were that smart, but I fear if I were, I'd use my power for evil MUAHAHAHA!!!

Ahem.

Interesting discussion today between me and a 40-ish woman in one of my classes. She informed me that the song "If I had a Hammer" referred to communism, "You know, the whole hammer-and-sickle thingy the Russians have on their flag." I had never really thought about it. I heard the song, of course, growing up, but thought it was a catchy campfire song that was just a hell of a lot of fun to sing. So I called my mom, who was an adult when that song became popular (I wasn't even alive yet.) She had no idea. Dad calls me back and explained to me that the song kicked off the civil rights campaigns and that it had nothing to do with communism, but some Southerners who were stuck in times of antiquity perceived it as being a "commie" song. Don't believe him? he said, tell 'em you heard it from your exptemely right-wing, seventy-year old dad who lived it.

(in case you're wondering, the whole vomit diatribe is based on that song.)

Quote of the Day:
"It's life, Sidda. You don't try to figure it out. You just climb up on the beast and ride." --Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood