Tanq'ed.

In case I forgot to clarify, that pic is of me. I was drunk and happy and Walter was afraid to let me out of his sight that night, because I was looking kind of cute that evening. That was New Years Eve, and we were at a private party with a huge open bar, and after settling in with a few Mic Ultras, I quickly switched to one of my favorite drinks, Tanqueray gin and tonic.

Now, that can be lethal, especially when I was quite thin and vulnerable to the sins of liquor. But---I was the Eat Drink and Be Merry Girl that evening, and I daresay Walter felt 10 years younger when he would look at me and when we danced.

Walter is approximately 10 years, 2 months and 8 days older than I, which would make him 45 now. I met him---well, hooked up with him in the summer of 2003, at a barbecue Sue and Larry (my sister and brother-in-law) threw. I had actually known Walter for years but never had the courage to even suggest that we date. After Jim died, I was horribly lonely, depressed and just plain scared of everything. He was fresh from a divorce that resulted from his ex-wife's screwing around. He became slightly fanatical about certain things after the divorce--religion, for example. He suddenly decided it was time to save his soul so he was on a fundamentalist Christian jag for about a year. Thank God that didn't last; if there's anything I cannot stand, it's someone pushing God into my face, especially after they've had 50 Budweisers and blasting their foul barley breath up my nose. That's exactly what he did, it seemed; this was around the summer of 2001, I suppose, and I was at Sue's, sitting outside with Larry, his colleague Mark, and Walter. My kids were over and playing with my nieces. Walter was fairly tanked when I joined them, and that's when I noticed that he had an irresistible smile and misbehaving eyes. Later, I found out that he flirted with every woman--he was just talented at it. Maybe that's when I fell in lust with him, and developed a very schoolgirlish crush.

I nursed this crush for two years. I confessed to Sue that I thought Walter was hot, but I became afraid to show myself around him. For one thing, I blushed from head to foot and that a pretty weird thing for a 31 year old woman who's borne two children and been around the block more times that she could count, to do. Time passed, I went to college, was busy with the children, and during this time, I lost weight. A lot of weight. I emerged in the summer of 2003 as a new, thin, sexy self. The night before the barbecue, I holed up at my friend Angela's apartment with her and friend Gretchen, coloring my hair to a new sexy strawberry. Next day, I carefully selected my outfit, picked a bowl of fresh tomatoes from my garden and arrived at Sue's, heart pounding, determined to keep my dignity no matter what happened.

I nabbed Sue in the kitchen and she confirmed that Walter was indeed there, out front with the other guests. So I gathered my courage and my tomatoes and stepped out.

There he was, sitting at one of the picnic tables, talking to Larry. I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. The door screeched like a dying cat parade as I emerged out into the sunshine and all heads swivelled round to see who was the newcomer.

He looked at me in midsentence, and this quivery little smile played on his lips as if he wasn't sure of what he was seeing. I tried to be nonchalant-casual-unconcerned with my greeting--"Hi Walter, it's nice to see you"--and then made pretense about mingling. Meanwhile, Larry and Walter fled to the smoker/grill where the meat was cooking. I decided that at this point a beer was mandatory.

The afternoon wore on. I was having a great time, so were the children, everyone eating wonderful food, and so we stuffed ourselves and gradually folks began to leave. My kids were staying with my parnts because my school started a week ahead of theirs, so they left too. Walter was still there. I hung around the kitchen, said my goodbyes, and was out the door to my car before anyone could say anything.

Walter comes pounding out the back door after me, doesn't say a single word, just turns me around and starts kissing and kissing me. We stand there for about 10 minutes like that. Finally, I tell him I have to get home. We exchange phone numbers and more kisses. I drive halfway the length of the circular driveway and lean out the window for more kissing.

We're still together and still kissing.